Fourth Time's a Charm

Today Joe was able to get the CT scan completed in order to map out a plan for radiation. YAY!!!

It had been a rocky bit of time for us. Luckily emotions are temporary.

As I mentioned in the previous post, yesterday the doctor sent us home with the mask to practice with before today's appointment. Joe took quite a bit of time to sleep through the anti-anxiety medication before he was ready to work with the mask. This turned out to be a more difficult task than I had anticipated.

Joe started by simply setting his mask on the coffee table while he was watching TV. Then we moved to the bed. Of course our high density-foam mattress did not quite give the same effect as the harshness of the table he would have to endure for the scan. We worked for quite a bit of time trying to prop towels folded just right under his neck so the mask would fit on his head in a similar way to the way it fits on the table.

Since our appointment was this afternoon, and Joe still didn't seem like he had become one with his mask, I urged him to stay home from work and work at it through the morning. This wasn't difficult to do since he was still feeling the effects of the high dose of anti-anxiety meds from the day before.

After he awoke late this morning, ate breakfast, and showered, it was time to try it again. However both frustration and fear seemed to be the prevailing emotions for both of us. I worked at staying calm and supportive, yet I also felt a need to keep at him to work with it because he was reluctant to keep going since we couldn't more closely replicate the environment. Yet I told him that it was better to do what we could with what we have than doing nothing and expecting different results.

Yesterday I talked about celebrating taking small steps towards a goal. But with the appointment time rapidly approaching, I feared that the steps taken were not enough. I called his radiology doctor. She was very supportive as we talked, and we decided that he needed to try a different anti-anxiety drug.

We arrived an hour early to take the first pill. The doctor told me that in 30 minutes if he seemed to need another one, give it to him. I asked her how I would know. She said, "Poke him. If he responds, give him another one."

So, we found a lovely bench outside in the shade where we sat and waited. It is so nice to live in San Diego. At the 30 minute mark, I did poke him in the arm. He looked at me as if to say, "Why did you do that?" With that expression, I figured that he needed another dose. Luckily, that seemed to do the trick.

In the room he was a champ. He settled quietly on the table and allowed the mask to be first placed over his head, then snapped down. Once he closed his eyes and became one with the table and the mask, everything went well.

As I saw him settle down into the table and close his eyes, my feelings of frustration and fear melted away to joy and relief. I know that these positive emotions are temporary as well. Knowing that, I will enjoy them while they are in my company. At the same time, when the not so positive emotions are around, knowing that they too are temporary will also help me to endure.

Thank you so much for all of your prayers and support!